Tuesday, March 28

Lately exams are all what I blog about. Getting tired of doing that, but it's the first thing that pops into my head whenever I log in. Probably gonna stop blogging the same thing over and over again.

Anyway, I realised sleep is no longer something you do in the night and wake up in the morning to study, then sleeping when night comes by again. It has come to a point where sleep isn't regulated by day and night, and sleep only comes to some of us when the body has reached a limit and you can't go on working. Then you sleep. Kinda scary. Imagine how my biological clock would react if I carry on doing this for another 3+ years.

Yeah.

Posted by Isabelle at 12:30 pm

Saturday, March 25

Been a long time since I've slept for 14 hours. And the only place I can accomplish that feat is at home. Cool.

Came back home after class yesterday, tired out after we spent the whole of last night doing homework and stuff, and waking early to go for lessons. I can never study at home. Swore to snooze for about 2 hours and wake up by 10pm to read through a bit of Bio, but the next moment I was conscious it was daylight already. Lol.

Gonna go out with the guys for a bit of shopping, then dinner. I guess this is gonna be the last few times I can get out for a breather before the start of serious studying. Come to think of it, holiday's coming in one month's time. Exams will end... soon.

Probably.

Posted by Isabelle at 2:13 pm

Thursday, March 23

Stress is an over-used word.

I always say I'm stressed, but to say the truth, sometimes I don't mean it. Rather I say stress when I just simply feel tired, or when everyone else is "stressed" too.

I think I finally realised I'm truly stressed today. It's when this sense of despair and helplessness creeps in, and you suddenly feel that everyone around you is just speeding by. You feel there's too much to be done, and really too little time to get anything done.

And when the date draws near, the initial tingling sensation of fear starts to grow into a full-fledged tremble, and you rush into adrenaline mode, deeply regretting why you only started at this point of time.

That's stress, my friend.

(By the way, shot down 2 reports already. I'm just left with 1 more due on Sunday.)

Posted by Isabelle at 4:54 pm

Tuesday, March 21

This is crazy.

Just today in tutorial, we were counting down to the days we have before our exams start, and I was stunned by the number we reached.

23 freaking days till exams.

I'm freaking out already. Haven't been able to settle down and study recently because I've been bogged down by projects and reports and stupid presentations. I don't know when they will stop, and if the don't stop, I can't concentrate on studying for the finals. It's 3 weeks to exams, and we've all got loads to jam down our throats. Where can we actually find time to relax?

I'm feeling damn stressed now. Wanna snooze.

Posted by Isabelle at 9:02 pm

Sunday, March 19

Been really careless these few days. Lost my necklace just last week, then I had to lose my thumb drive today. Argh. Lots of important documents inside. Lost my effective comm assignment, and half of my report due on tuesday. Feeling kinda screwed. I don't know why I keep losing my stuff these days, and I'm feeling quite irritated by myself.

Gotta have to finish up whatever I lost today.

Posted by Isabelle at 8:23 pm

Wednesday, March 15

Was at James' birthday party with my classmates last night, drinking at this pub somewhere in Siglap. (Think it's called Georges' or something like that. No matter.) As usual, I didn't drink much, probably a few sips of Carlsberg. Lol. It was pathetically little, compared to the drinks they ordered. James opened up 2 bottles of Vodka Absolut, ordered a bucket of 6 bottles of Carlsberg, and we saw James slurp up his birthday Flaming Lamborgini. Lol. Not as spectacular as the one I saw in ChinaBlack, which in the end even the straw caught fire, but still it was burning. Woo. Not bad.

There was this cosy chilling out corner in the bar, equipped with pillows and straw mats and coffee tables (hard to find one of these in a bar), and we just sat there drinking, smoking, chilling out, talking crap, eating chicken wings and nuggets. Met up with some really fun-loving people, and they just started talking about their funny anecdotes.

We ended up taking care of the birthday boy. I think he downed close to half the drinks we ordered. Everyone was trying to get him to drink as much as possible, so he ended up swaggering to the drains to puke. Had to tug at his arm to make sure he didn't lean too far out and topple over into the drain.

I think we were all glad, despite our schedules, we still made it out to have some fun. It's just about studying time. Gotta stay focused now, gotta look at the big picture.

Posted by Isabelle at 7:20 pm

Monday, March 13

Haven't been feeling the best of moods these few days, inevitably due to a mixture of reasons such as my biological body working excessively hard, and a lot of pent-up hormones and emotions I can't seem to release. In fact, even I know I'm acting quite weird. Argh.

Think I'm on the verge of being a little unreasonable. It's hard to control when all I wanted was to just scream, or throw something at something. It's freaky, and I freaking know a normal me probably wouldn't do that.

Feels as though emotions are suddenly amplified at least 10 times. I'm probably exaggerating here, but I feel stronger about things I usually just barely twitch at. Feeling more petty, feeling more bile and vinegar up my throat than I should, feeling less gracious, feeling less... of what I was.

Travelling on an emotional roller-coaster these few days. This week is just not me.

Posted by Isabelle at 5:32 pm

Tuesday, March 7

Hmm. Realised I've been spending too much time in James' room with Han Wee, Xin and Adeline. Quizzes had been piling on us, and usually we chiong to the wee hours of the morning. Really, no joke. This kind of lifestyle is killing all our sleeping time. Well, having a momentary rest for now, since we just finished our thermo quiz yesterday.

Been thinking about hall stuff these days, and I'm kinda in a dilemma now. I feel I'll like to have a change in environment next year, staying in somewhere else new. The problem is that I know I have commitments back in my current hall. Things like the coming year's orientation, stuff like that. I don't know if I'll feel good pulling out from my stuff at this time, since we've all been awarded points for activities already, and I gotta admit I haven't done much for OMC. Kinda unfair yeah? Hmm.

It's like cutting all ties from hall 4, moving to a new place, adapting to it, and hoping I'll meet new friends. It's gonna be quite hard, and I'm still debating about it.

RIght now I really don't feel like doing anything but my own stuff, and concentrating on studying now. I wanna cut back on the responsibilities and obligations that I have. That's gonna be one of the reasons why I probably won't do anything next year, and opt out of hall in my 3rd year.

Kinda selfish huh? Hmm. But I'm tired already.

Posted by Isabelle at 8:42 pm

Thursday, March 2

Hmm.

Somehow during this time process in NTU, I realised it's just a cyclic process of study, eat and sleep. Probably some play injected once in a while.

At least I feel my course is that way. I mean the lecturers are driving us crazy. How the hell are we gonna finish a 4-year course of Maths in just a year? How are we gonna cope with 5 other heavier modules and 1 elective at the same time? How can we, as mere students, simply survive with minimal sleep and continuous studying all the way into the night, especially when quizzes draw near?

Venting out some frustration. I think my course is a treadmill that never stops for a break, and keeps pushing you for greater speeds.

Of course, you can always just choose to fall down.

But that's just not me, I guess.

Mugging time starts. Soon.

Posted by Isabelle at 11:34 pm

Wednesday, March 1

Hectic week.

Worked ourselves to the limits yesterday night, or rather this morning before we turned in at 6.30am. Was doing Organic Chem group study, and barely slept for more than 2 hours before we woke up to sit for the quiz today. Crazy studying habits, but I think we actually study better this way. At least I know I benefitted a lot from it.

Will be pretty packed this week. Meetings and practices and stuff. Friday is cultural night at ChinaBlack (a very weird place for cultural night), and I almost forgot about it. I think my saturday is burnt too.

Argh. Too tired to think about it.